Go Where It Leads.. From Secret To Secret..You Are What You Want To Be..

Hey! Hey!! Hey!!! I've been away.. I know.. And we will concentrate more on that at a later date. The important things is that I am back.. or like Jackie Washington.. I'm trying to come back.. minus Edward and the documentary :-) If that statement makes no sense to you.. then.. well I aint explaining. As you can see there are a few changes with the blog.. and more are to come.. trust me. So what has been happening with me? Well a myriad of things. It reminds me of that song by Dusty Springfield "The Windmills of Your Mind". It seems my life has been "round, like a circle in a spiral.. like a wheel within a wheel.. an every spinning wheel" and I have been attempting to take control as best I can. As I approach yet another birthday, I feel the sense of satisfaction of accomplishing certain things in my life.... But there are other milestones.. events... things that I wanted to conquer that seem elusive. On the whole I just try to be thankful for what i do have.. and keep hope alive using it as a tunnel through which to fuel my drive and ambition. 

So of course you all want to know.. how are the men..???? Well honestly.. there are men.. and then...there are MEN.. my own personal soul shaker.. the man that makes my knees weak.. is still emotionally unavailable. I do care for him a great deal and there are parts of me that attempt to understand his behaviors.. what fuels his actions.. and my reactions.. and why though I seem to be right near him.. his heart seems a million miles away.. I don't have the answer to these questions.. it only reminds me of the time that I was a young boy and I saw these Italian Loafers in a men's store in my home town.. OMFG.. it's as close to Nirvana as I can remember coming as a child. I stood there looking at those shoes.. close enough to touch them.. but not being able to have them.. because my mother would not buy them for me, for several reasons.. the least of which being that my feet weren't yet old enough for them. I wanted just to feel the soft leather against my 8 year old toes.. and smell the newness of the shoe.. My little hands literally trembling... just dying to touch them.. but no matter how close i came.. those shoes just weren't within my reach.. not right then.. That's how Mr. Geek squad is.. I love everything about him.. he makes me happy when he's around but.. there is a special part of him that I find myself wanting...that is just beyond my reach.. Will I ever get back into the nook? I don't know.. but I have to be honest and tell you.. like I wanted those loafers.. I surely want to.
Though I am in transition at the moment. I have to tell you.. I will come out on the other side of the tunnel.. And when I step out.. I will be wearing.. Chanel:-) Love to you!